Some people say, “If you love something, set it free. If it returns, then it’s truly yours…
…but if it doesn’t return….hunt it down and kill it!
Just kidding…sort of. ;0)
But as we face the blank palette of a new year, one of the main things we need to embrace is not just the ” hellos” but also the “goodbyes”.
For example…
I still remember a painful conversation when one man told me he was leaving my church. Before he left, he wanted to tell me everything that was wrong with us.
As a pastor, that’s always a blast to hear (not really). But out of respect, I took out my pen and started jotting down notes.
As his list stretched on, it became increasingly clear there was really one main thing he didn’t like about our church…ME! Included in his list were my preaching style, how I moved on the platform, my sense of humor, my love of creativity, my hair style (ok, I just threw that in for fun).
But seriously, the things he brought up were pretty much everything that made me unique as an individual. If he could have, I think he might have slapped my momma just for giving me birth.
At first, I was really bothered by the thought of someone leaving the church because of me. I started to reconsider my preaching style and wonder what I could change about myself so this wouldn’t happen again.
But during my self-examination, I realized I’d already begun gradually compromising too much in order to make people like him happy. I was subtly inching away from the vision God had originally given me for my church, and trying to deconstruct who He had uniquely created me to be.
As I asked God for guidance, I began to realize this man wasn’t just leaving, but God was actually removing him from my life and church. It’s always painful for me to lose people. Though it hurt my pride to see someone go, it was actually the best thing for the church, for him and for me too.
Today I’d like to help you do one of the most healthy, productive things you have the power to do – say goodbye.
None of us like goodbyes. Instead, we often chase after the very people God is trying to remove from our lives. I know that celebrating someone’s departure doesn’t sound very Christian at first, but it is often essential to following God.
Sometimes it’s the best thing you can do to protect what God is doing in you and through you.
Sad to say, but there are people in your life who have outlasted their expiration date. God brought them into your life to help you, but now they’re hindering you. Maybe they are trying keep you from progressing past where they found you, or perhaps they threaten to pull you in a direction God doesn’t want you to go. If so, they will hinder you from moving forward and improving your life, sometimes because they simply lack the vision or the commitment to walk on further themselves.
It’s as if you’re on a mountain hike with a friend, scaling toward the summit up in the thin air. The uncommitted will try to persuade you to slow down or even go a different direction. But it’s at this point you absolutely must let them go a different path.
You have to commit to our own destiny, even if they are not committed to theirs.
I learned painfully that one of God’s chief activities in our lives is “pruning”:
“I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it bear more fruit” – John 15:1-2
That means God will clip some things out of your life that are hindering your growth, personally and spiritually. Some of those things are habits that are hurting you. But sometimes they are people. God knows that you would never tell them to leave on your own, so instead He moves them out, saving you the trouble.
I’ve seen it happen to teens who were dating. Since she’s a really sweet girl, she’d never reject that crazy, destructive guy she’s dating. So suddenly the guy walks out of her life, leaving her devastated (while everyone who loves the girl is relieved).
They knew he was destroying her, she even suspected as much herself. But she just couldn’t bring herself to call it off. So God did it for her.
I’ve known men who held onto jobs that were literally putting them in an early grave. The job is destroying them, but they don’t have the courage to quit. That would mean the loss of their security, and possibly even their self-worth as a man.
So one day out of nowhere, the company fires him, taking the ball out of his court. It’s painful for him and extremely hurtful, but many times it is the best thing that could have happened to him. That’s because God has something better for him, but the guy will never find it while he’s stuck in the same job.
Sure, she thinks that crazy boyfriend rejected her. And he’s devastated his job was taken out from under him. They think it’s their fault. But it is often God, clipping away at their lives with His pruning shears. And it hurts badly, but it’s completely for their good.
Sure, pruning is painful. But it’s completely necessary because without pruning, we can’t grow. Ask any gardener – room must be made for new growth, so “deadwood” has to be removed.
So if God is pruning you right now, try to resist the urge to go running after “the deadwood” as it walks out the door. You will be tempted to change things in order to keep them. But if you become someone you’re not to win their approval, then it really won’t be “you” they’re approving of anyway, will it? And in the process, you will have forfeited your own destiny.
And come to think of it, have you ever noticed that the people in our lives who are the most “high maintenance” are rarely worth maintaining in the end?
If God is removing someone from your life right now, don’t fight Him. Let Him gently remove those dead things from your hands right now, trusting He’ll replace them with something much, much better.
So stop chasing after yesterday. Let it go, and embrace God’s tomorrow!
