I’m getting a little concerned for Santa.
Truth is, he’s an old timer. Can you say, “OK, Boomer”?
His deeds, though well-intentioned, are from another age entirely. And I’m afraid someone will probably take him down pretty soon.
A hitman? Most likely not, though I’m not ruling anything out.
More likely, it will be a lawyer. Or a soccer mom. Both scary in their own right.
Here’s what I’m getting at. You’ve got this eccentric old man with an out of place, old-world mentality. He’s trying to be charitable by bringing gifts to the kids. But think about what he’s REALLY doing…
He is a white male going to sit in the mall ON A THRONE, most likely man-spreading up there. I’m sure he’s taking up the space from other female elves assisting him.
And what is he asking little children to do? Sit on his lap?
Seriously, old man, how many lawsuits do you want?
A responsible Santa would ask these kids to sign a release before they hop up there and you’re cuddling with strangers.
By the way, who’s gonna pay for the dental bills from all those candy canes? You oughta be handing out celery instead! Healthy snacks, fat man!
And let’s get back to the whole “naughty or nice” thing. JUST WHO THE HECK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, JUDGING SOMEONE’S KIDS? Have you ever been to a playground when one kid pushes another one down? Have you seen a mom come to the defense of their indefensible little bully who’s mercilessly picked on some other child? Just dare try and call that brat “naughty” and see what his mommy does to you!
You’ll have a bright red nose, all right, to match that suit you’re wearing!
Listen Chris – today, no one is naughty or bad, they just make “mistakes”. And if they’ve made a mistake like…oh, let’s say hot-wiring a car and taking it for a joy ride, it’s society’s fault for leaving them in poverty and not helping them enough.
Surely you don’t blame or judge people based on their actions? Surely you don’t reward the content of their character! How antiquated!
And you judge those children by what standard? Don’t you realize that all ethical systems are simply someone’s opinion? So you’re imposing your “middle class European standards” on people who may not subscribe to those standards, or may not be able to comply because of economic inequities.
Also, it appears you give gifts to rich kids as well as poor. Tell me, is this really fare? Shouldn’t you be giving to children based on their need? Actually, a fair-minded socially-conscious Santa would have a board who interviews applicants and rewards the toys based on income and race.
Maybe it would be more fair to even take away some presents from some kids to give to others. Ever think about that, you capitalist overlord?
You must take some responsibility, Mr Claus. Do you even know if the kids recycle all those boxes and wrapping paper? What about the environment? I would think anyone who lived at the North Pole would be more concerned about sustainability and your affect on polar ice caps.
I’m afraid that, by today’s standards, you’re just another old white bigot, flaunting your privilege to the world while you force your own paternalistic, inequitable Judeo-Christian belief system on their children.
You’re really no better than any other Christian, arrogant enough to think what you believe is right and acting upon it. Arrogant enough to be led by faith and insensitively give out toys to kids you deem worthy.
We’ve seen your kind before, mainly in the people of faith who make up most of the volunteers in our homeless shelters and benevolent outreaches. But if those same Christians use any money at all to build a church building, we’ll find a way to criticize them for it. It had better be the smallest, most rickety church building possible or we’ll accuse them of ignoring the needy.
What about all the good they could have done with that money? They’re really just virtue-signaling. They do good, but they’re really just showing off!
We’ve also seen those Christian’s lack of tolerance for other beliefs. And by lack of tolerance, we mean they don’t change their opinion to conform to ours.
If those believers vote based on their idea of right and wrong, we’ll criticize them letting their religion influence their vote. Just to express their views and live by them is forcing those views on the community, we’ll say.
And God forbid if a Christian should run for office. Do they seriously think they have the same rights as the rest of us?
We attack you, Santa, for the same reason we attack believers: because we don’t like it when you do good. It’s reminds us of what we should be doing, and that ticks us off.
It makes us mad because, in spite of all our talk, we really have no intention whatsoever of helping anyone. Nope, not a bit. We only want to run our mouths and think somehow we’re going to vote the world into being a utopia.
So until you do it our way (which is to not really do anything at all), prepare yourself to hear from our lawyers. We know you must not really care about people, because how could you have a kind of love we clearly don’t?
And what exactly is the carbon footprint of that sleigh? Answer me that, Mr Kringle!
No, it’s clear if you had a conscience you’d just stay home like the rest of us who criticize the good others do, and do nothing.
Because nothing you or any other saint do will ever be enough to convince us your God is real, even though your actions deck the halls with it.
Nope, we’d rather just sit back and shoot at the reindeer with our BB guns. As long as everyone else is as miserable as us, then we’ll have a truly merry Christmas!
