Scary Church Members

When I first started pastoring, I wanted everyone to come to my church. Now I know better.

I’ve discovered after years of ministry, I really don’t want everyone to stay. I know how that sounds – a pastor should love everyone, right? But just because I love someone doesn’t mean God sent them to help my church.

In fact, I believe Satan sends some folks to a church with the specific intention of ripping it apart. They usually don’t intending to cause damage. But these folks bring destruction no matter which church they attend.

While I’m sad to see anyone leave, I’ve learned to see “impossible people” walking away as a positive, not a negative.

Here’s my list compiled through the years of folks no pastor is sad to see walk out his back door…

“Mr. I’m-Going-To-Change-Your-Theology”

When I planted new churches we got people from all over the map, both geographically and theologically. It seemed that some people were more interested in us conforming to their theology than learning what theology our church was already teaching. I believe small churches are often seen as easier prey by these types. 

I remember one guy who told me point blank, “Dave, I’m just praying for the day you get up in the pulpit and start speaking in tongues!” I responded, “Well, since this is a baptist church, you’d better find some other way to pray for me”.

It’s simply arrogant to expect to change a church’s theology. It shows no respect for the people already worshipping there or the spiritual authority of the pastor leading it. So it’s OK with me when they head over to the other church where the pastor’s promises God will give them a new Buick if they’ll only just tithe. Those folks would never be happy with my preaching…and I’m fresh out of Buicks.

“Miss I’m-A-Bottomless-Black-Hole-Of-Need”

This lady comes to your church because her last church didn’t care enough about her personally (she says). The church was too big, or the pastor wasn’t accessible to “the little people” – something along those lines.  But she senses your church “really cares”.

When someone tells me they’ve been “hurt deeply” by her former church, it makes me want to work hard not to be “that church”. I want to prove their bad experience was the exception to the rule, and that most churches really do love and care for people…

…except that her pity party, negativity, and unreasonable expectations are why people in her last church avoided her like the plague. They soon realized they didn’t have enough time or energy to make her happy.

Unfortunately, Jesus Himself probably wouldn’t make her happy either.

Every request for help from her is really a never-ending test to prove you love them. Then the bar gets raised higher…and higher. Eventually, I become her very own “Concierge Pastor”, jumping every time she calls.

That’s when you realize you can’t help her. And then she goes to the next church and tells them about how MY CHURCH was too big and didn’t care about her, and the pastor was too snobbish and inaccessible…

…you know, all the things she told you about her previous church.

“Mr-&-Mrs-We’re-Looking-for-a-Platform”

This smiling, friendly couple usually shows up telling me they are experienced teachers of the WORD (pronounced, “WUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRDuuuh” for emphasis). They say they’re my “humble servants” and would just love to “come along side you” and help you minister to people.

At first, you’re excited because pastors are always looking for leaders. Most pastors who’re really doing their job are regularly exhausted. Everything is on their shoulders. So the thought of experienced teachers coming in who are spiritually mature and willing to take some weight off you is a Godsend!

…until you realize what they really want is not to support you but to use your forum to boost their own prominence.

…until they keep doing things to draw attention to themselves that distract people from the work God is already doing.

…until you realize that if they had such great skills of leadership or teaching, they’d probably still be doing it in their last church.

That’s when you realize they really left their last church because it couldn’t satisfy their insatiable egos. And neither will yours.

Don’t worry…

…when they start their new class and people scatter after the first week

…or when you don’t brag on them publicly quite enough

…or when they find another church that looks even weaker than yours

…or when they find someone else gullible enough to give them a bigger forum than you will,  they’ll quietly slip out the back door and head to their new church home, just to play the same scene all over again.

So, if you’re one of those people I just described, I do pray for God’s best in your life but please keep driving when you pass by my church. If you stop in, you won’t be happy and I’ll be a huge disappointment to you – I promise.

That might just be because God Himself is trying to change something in your life, and you’re stiff-arming Him. That’s why you’re having continuous conflict in church after church.

Face facts: if every church is “failing you”, they aren’t the problem. You are. 

You’re welcomed.

God speaks through His churches – messed up, imperfect collections of people led by weak, limited pastors like me. So how about getting things right with the church you’re attending now, before moving your bag of “spiritual garbage” and dumping it on someone else?

Because if you can’t get along with any of God’s churches or pastors, you probably won’t be getting along with Him anytime soon either!