You remember the dumbest things from childhood. Mine was a PE coach. Not that she was dumb, but that she did something completely innocuous that emotionally destroyed me one day.
I was maybe in third or fourth grade, standing in a line to come in from the playground. I suppose the PE teacher had said be quiet, but I was turned talking to another child. It was then she came over and gave me what was at the most a little pat of correction on the bottom.
Though I felt no pain, the fact she’d shown disapproval utterly crushed me. I remember going home and blubbering to my mom as if I’d been beaten with a tire iron. I think she even called the principal. I just hope the poor teacher didn’t get in trouble for it.
Now, it would be easy to blame my extreme overreaction on my relationship with my dad, who was emotionally distant and a harsh disciplinarian. But the truth was it had nothing to do with that. It was completely to do with me…
I’m sensitive. There, I said it.
If my wife is reading this right now, she’s rolling her eyes because she knows it better than anyone. Lord, please give her patience. She’s often joked that my “periods” are worse than hers, and she’s probably right as far as how I react.
Mine aren’t “periods”, they’re exclamation points!
Any criticism I get as a pastor (and that’s a regular part of the gig) will honestly devastate me for a while. Every time someone leaves the church, sleep is lost. The off-hand remarks most people brush off after a moment’s time I twist and turn over for days.
It’s a curse. And a blessing.
This is what is known as having an “artistic temperament”. That’s how creative people get labeled when they overreact. Just talk to any boss and you’ll find the staff members they have the most conflict with tend to also be the most creative ones.
“All I told the music director was that the new song he did Sunday wasn’t my favorite. Now he won’t make eye contact with me!”
Well pastor, you didn’t mean to, but you probably crushed his soul. He loves that new song and thought it would set your sermon up perfectly. Heck, he may have even written it and didn’t tell you. Now he feels like a failure, but don’t feel bad. That’s just him.
If that sounds unreasonable, it’s because it is. No, it’s not your fault. It’s just the flip side of his gift.
When you are a “creative”, the upside of your sensitivity is part of what makes you great at artistic expression. When you sing a song you love, your sensitivity means the passion will spill over the top and into the congregation. They’ll be moved and God will infuse the song with His Spirit to heal many.
Your art works so well specifically because you’re so sensitive. Because you feels things more deeply and intensely than others, and that intensity is what gives your art power.
But…that same sensitivity can make you overreact in the extreme sometimes. Even when others communicated correction in the kindest possible way, it can crush you. It makes no sense to those around you. They tried to be gentle. And yet, you’re still destroyed and feel rejected.
It’s funny how God uses that sensitivity, even when wounded, to create something beautiful. I remember one Christmas something happened during the day that crushed me emotionally, but I had to go play for a group of carolers the same night. I sat down at the piano to play some very non-challenging carols, very basic arrangements. But because my emotions were raw, I played with a level of passion the event didn’t really even call for. I brooded over the keys, pouring my soul into something I wouldn’t have been thinking much about normally.
I remember the carolers all applauding, but with rather dazed looks on their faces!
I hate to admit it but I was pretty awesome that night. And ironically, that’s because I was hurting. I’ve also noticed I preach some of my best sermons after people have ticked me off before the service. Give me a little opposition, get me a little riled up and whoa Nelly! It’s gonna be a fun Sunday!
But there’s a big downside to the artistic temperament. This is why so many actors and musicians struggle with depression, substance abuse, and often suicide. When you’re wired so extremely, you do great art. But without spiritual healing and discipline that comes from God, you can become self-destructive and burn out early.
King David is the perfect Biblical example of this kind of personality. He was a warrior on one hand, but wrote tremendous poetry and songs in his solitude. There was a common denominator in both his fighting and his songwriting.
What was that common denominator? Passion.
If you look, you can see his mood swings all through the Psalms. He’ll go from a joyous explosion of worship in one to wallowing in self doubt in another. And look out for what theologians call the “imprecatory Psalms”. Those are the ones where he’s so mad at his enemies, he’s asking God to do crazy stuff like smash their kid’s heads on the rocks!
When he nearly destroyed his kingdom through sexual sin with Bathsheba, he evidences the need of creatives for discipline in their lives. It was only after he got lazy and neglected some of his kingly responsibilities that he was tempted into an affair. Then add to that his murderous attempt at coving it up. His lack of control caused one man to lose his life.
David illustrates the positives and negatives of the artistic temperament. But even with all his extremes and horrible sins, the Bible calls him “a man after God’s heart”.
How can so much potential for both good and bad be in one person? Well, it has to do with whether that person has learned to let the Spirit of God lead and discipline them.
If the person I’ve been describing sounds like you, you’re in great need of something you probably avoid at any costs: spiritual discipline.
Most creatives I know are naturally wired as free spirits. We dislike rules or anything that puts boundaries around us. What we don’t often realize is boundaries are in fact our friends. It’s when the governors are completely taken off and boundaries are crossed that we get into trouble and careen out of control.
Interestingly, we also create better art with boundaries. If you ask me to write a song, I’ll ask you what about. If you say, “Oh, anything”, that’s the worst answer you could give. Because without a clear goal and specific borders, I’ll flail about and probably not end up writing anything. But if you say, “Write a love song about autumn”, you’ll have something in less than a day! That’s because I know specifically where to head – you have given me a defined boundary that keeps me from wasting time.
Specific parameters help focus the artist on his goal. And defined boundaries in the creative’s personal and spiritual life work in the same way. They keep us on-task and from giving in to excess and self-indulgence.
The way to deal with your own artistic temperament is to first acknowledge you have one. Understand that your reaction will often tend toward the extreme. Know that how you want to react is probably about 25% more than what the situation actually calls for.
Also, find someone you trust and become accountable to them for your spiritual health. If they are a friend, they probably already know some of your tendencies but just don’t have a name for them yet. Give them permission to talk with you honestly when they see you operating in the extreme.
Most of all, STAY IN THE WORD OF GOD. Seriously, this is not just “preacher talk”. God will speak to you through His Word and talk you off the ledge if you’ll listen. But if you let depression or excess cause you to ignore God, you make it harder for Him to speak to you. So a daily discipline of prayer and Bible Study will save your spiritual life.
It might just save your physical life as well. Artistic people are prone to depression and substance abuse. Note, I’m not saying all creatives have drug problems – I’m only saying many struggle with substances that strongly affect the emotions. When you feel pain deeply, you may try to self-medicate that pain. Understand that Satan will use this very thing to try and destroy you, especially if you work in a ministry.
For Satan, the fact you are so creative makes the stakes high. Your creativity reflects the nature of your Creator, so your Enemy will hate that about you. He’ll try and use your sensitivity, the very thing through which God has gifted you, to destroy you.
Just remember when you’re hurting, that’s just the down side of your gift. Pain is the price you pay for having God work through you in such a dynamic way. God can use you dynamically because of it, but not if you forfeit your calling because you lack discipline.
So understand yourself, and do what David did. When everyone had turned against him, the Bible says David “encouraged himself in the Lord” (1 Sam 30:6). Seems he had learned from experience how to ignore what he was feeling and trust what God was saying instead.
Your feelings are a true gift, but your faith is the greatest gift. When you have to choose between the two, go with faith every time. It may just save your gift, and your life.
