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Another White Christmas

The gales of wind howled through the trees outside the old cabin. Smoke rose from the chimney as the old man ate his humble soup safely inside. His weathered hands were still steady, having stacked the wood by the cabin walls that would surely last the winter’s full duration. It’s a good thing he had.

It had been a particularly tough winter, but the old man was prepared. Tonight was a very rare event – a “thundersnow”, when a thunderstorm’s precipitation freezes in the falling temperatures. The lightening and thunder added a sense of drama to the usually peaceful dusting of snow.

He paused for a moment and stared, somewhat hypnotized by the flicker of the stone fireplace. He’d learned the art of simple solitude, spending most evenings alone with his thoughts, his memories. After a day of chores, his eyes would dart back and forth between the pictures on the wall of those he’d loved through the years. A baby girl lost tragically in childhood, a son now proudly away at war, a wife taken by sickness.

He used to crave time alone, taking long walks in the woods around his cabin. His favorite sound was when the wind picked up and whipped through the tall trees surrounding the little clearing.

When you choose it, it’s “solitude”. When you don’t have the choice, it’s merely loneliness.

His head popped up when he heard a creek coming from the boards of his front porch. Might just be an animal, bears sniffing around again. His eyes glanced at his shotgun, sitting ready next to the bedroom door.

Then came the most unlikely sound, at this location, in this time of evening – a knock at the door.

It was a weak knock, no doubt. But the specific, evenly spaced rhythm of the three taps left no question there was someone on the other side. Someone seeking entrance, long after dusk in the middle of a deserted wood – a place no one should be nor especially wish to be.

The old man shot up out of his chair, leaving his spoon to clang against his bowl. His right arm grabbed the shotgun, the veins in his arm pulsing as his forearm gripped it firmly and moved quickly to the door.

“What do you want?”, the old man called out loudly.

No response.

“What’s your business here? I warn you – I am armed.”

A weak voice called out from behind the door…

“Daddy?”

Immediately, the old man pulled the latch on the door and swung it wide open. A gust of wind and snow rushed through, followed by the knees of what appeared to be a soldier hitting the floor. The old man bent down and caught the soldier in his arms before his head could reach the ground.

As he pulls the boy in and kicks the door shut with his heel, he notices his son is wearing the uniform of his country’s enemy – a ruthless, hateful rebel force tearing their nation apart and destroying all the values the old man held dear.

The old man picked up his son in his arms and carried him to the fireplace. Setting him down in front of the fire, he pulled his wet, frozen clothes off and wrapped him in a blanket. With the son unable to stand, the father sits on the floor beside him, cradling him in his arms.

After giving him water, the son is finally able to sit up. The father helps him to the table, and pours him a bowl of soup.

The son begins devouring the soup, finally choking, spitting the soup across the table.

As the boy begins to cry, the father quickly puts his hand on the boy’s shoulder and says, “Don’t worry about it, son. I’ll get it”. He grabs a towel and begins to clean the mess, and pours another bowl of soup. He sets it before the boy and says, “Now, slowly…take your time. There’s plenty more.”

As the boy starts to eat again, he begins telling his story…

“They captured me. I was trapped behind enemy lines.  They tortured me, Daddy! It was horrible. But they said I’d be rewarded if I’d only help them.”

The father listened as he hung up the boy’s uniform to dry next to the fire.

“They lied to me, Daddy. They told me our side was wrong. They said we didn’t have the right to impose our values on them, and that they were right to rebel.”

Then the boy looked down. “I started to believe them for a while. I liked the idea of the freedom from restraint they promised. But finally, I saw through their lies.”

“Last week, I was finally able to escape. But now they’ve branded me a deserter, and sent bounty hunters after me. They know my name and serial number, and I know they’ve been tracking me for the past few days. They can’t be far behind me.”

“I didn’t have the energy to cover up my tracks in the snow anymore. I know by morning they will track me here to your house.”

Then the Father asked, “Why did you decide to come here where they’d be sure to look for you?”

The boy began to cry again. “I just wanted to come home. I was always happy here. I just wanted to see you one last time and be home before I have to die…”

The father moved to his son’s chair, and squeezed the boy’s shoulder with his calloused left hand. The boy could feel his father’s strength – it had always  made him feel safe and protected as a child. It seemed there was nothing his father couldn’t do. But now, he was beyond even the help of the old man.

“Don’t worry, son. Right now, you just need to rest.”

“But they’ll be coming for me soon!”, the boy cried. “I can’t rest. They’ll catch up with me by morning, I’m sure of it.”

“Never you mind about that,” said the old man. “Daddy will take care of it”

How often the boy had heard his father say these words through the years. But now, they rang with a certain irony. What could his father do to save him now? The boy had finally made a mess so bad, there was no way the father could fix it anymore. The boy was now a man, and would have to pay a man’s penalty.

“Rest my son. I’ve got your bed ready, and I’ll protect you tonight.”

The son turned to argue, but fell into the father’s arms again, exhausted from his trial. The father gathered him up and carried him to his own bed in the next room. Gently, he pulled the covers over the boy, and left him unconscious and spent…

The father sat once again at his table, staring into the fire as the time approached midnight. He knew his son was guilty, and was wounded he’d betrayed his country so selfishly. His son’s shame and dishonor were unworthy of the way the father had raised him. And yet, this was his son, his little boy. No matter how old he might get, to the father he never stopped being the object of all his hopes and dreams.

The old man folded his hands and prayed. “God, give me the strength to do what I must do now. Give me the stomach for the task. And please forgive my son and grant him a new life and hope now.”

He walked over to the uniform, now dry by the fireplace. The insignia of his enemy disgusted him. But in the midst of his anger, he reminded himself it was his son’s coat. This made it easier to do what he was about to do…

The morning sun peered through the drape of the bedroom window, a slender line of light piercing the air. It hit the boy across the face, slowly awakening him.

It took a few seconds for his eyes to adjust. At first, he was in a daze. Then suddenly he sat up with a start, trying to remember how he’d gotten back home and in this bed – his father’s bed.

“Daddy?”, he called out. The air was still.

He called out louder, “Daddy, where are you?” Still nothing.

Awkwardly, he roused himself from the bed and moved haltingly across the floor toward the bedroom door. When he looked out into the den, he saw it there on the table by the fireplace.

It was a letter, written in his father’s handwriting.

“My dear son,

I have prayed long into the night and asked God what to do and how to solve your dilemma. I believe He has led me to a solution.

Tonight, I am wearing your uniform, and have hung your dog tags around my neck. Surely that will be enough for the bounty hunters. I plan to retrace your steps back out to the main road and back toward the direction from which you’ve been running.  It shouldn’t take long before I meet up with the men who seek you.

They will not care about my age, only that I bear your name and serial number.  I plan to move aggressively toward them, so they should not hesitate to shoot quickly. So by the time you wake up today, everything should be over. Please don’t try to come after me.

This is my gift to you today, my son – a brand new life. My only request is that you use it wisely, for it is coming at a high cost for me. But it is a cost I now gladly choose to pay to ransom you back to the land of the living.

Know that as I write this, my heart is full with love for you. I know you can be the man you ought to be now, because I will be cheering you on from a higher vantage point.  Feel my hand on your shoulder each day, giving you my strength. And find peace with God, who will forgive you of your sins so you can live your new life in freedom.

All my love, my darling boy.

Daddy”

The son cried out and fell to his knees. He held his head in his hands, with the letter caught tight in his grasp. Then he slumped toward the door and looked anxiously outside.

The evening’s snow had lasted into the wee hours of the morning, gently blanketing the ground outside the cabin.

There were no sets of footprints leading toward the cabin, nor away from it. All that remained was a perfect covering of pure, white snow.

“Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.”

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Our dream house was a 120-year old 3-story Victorian home. It was just a few blocks away from one of the loveliest parks in the city and the same distance from the church I pastored. I could literally walk to work, and did so on many mornings. How convenient!

Unlike the other brick houses that lined the streets nearby, this one was painted light yellow and stood apart from the rest. Plaster reliefs of baby angels wrapped around the base of the house. They represented the children of the original owners, making the structure even more unique. It also had a three-car garage at the back of it. Few houses in this older section of town had one as large, and many people resorted to parking on the street. But not us! On just an average salary, we had bought one of the nicest places to live in the area. 

I had always dreamed of owning a Victorian home. I had performed the role of Prof. Henry Higgins from the musical My Fair Lady right before we moved to our new city. So I was primed to live the life of the English gentleman, sipping tea in my beautiful old house. I loved the old wood, the stained glass windows, and our “penthouse suite” for my wife and me on the top floor. We’d be sequestered away from the noise of our little girls playing below us. It all seemed so ideal.

But it turned out to be anything but ideal. Our “Golden House”, as our little girls came to call it, was not so golden. In fact, our dream house almost killed us, quite literally. 

One afternoon I got a call at the church. It was Dawn, my wife, and she was sobbing hysterically. Finally I was able to make out enough of her words to understand what was happening.

“I fell…come home!”

Almost 20 years ago, my wife had been in a bad car accident that crushed her right leg. That ankle couldn’t turn at all. So as I ran the 5 blocks to my home, I knew what had happened.

When I got to the house, I found Dawn in the basement. She was headed to the washer and drier there, and had misjudged a step going down. She hit the concrete floor hard.

After getting her to the hospital, thankfully we learned nothing had been broken. However, that would be just the first of several falls for Dawn down those steps. We eventually moved the washer and drier up to the second floor, which helped a little. But the bottom line was a three-story house with narrow stairways were not meant for a woman who had challenges with mobility.

I also learned having your bedroom on the third-floor is not a good idea for a chubby guy in his mid-50s. There were a few days I wondered if I’d still be alive by the time I reached the top floor. Though I began on the stairway to the bedroom, I might end up on the stairway to heaven…

Then there was the city. Dawn and I always loved culture, restaurants, theater and all the things a great city has to offer. So living there, we felt like kids in a candy store. There was always some new restaurant to explore, always a show playing somewhere, and interesting people living all around us. It seemed ideal.

Except for crime. And taxes. Many cities are big on those, and ours was no exception. We had both in abundance.

One of our regular nightly diversions was watching the notifications on our community’s “Next Door App” alert us to all the recent shootings and hold-ups around us. One of us would hear gunshots, and I’d watch for the posts to pop up. I’d then calculate how close it was to our home. Many were within just a few blocks, some just down the street. 

We would occasionally get notices of some tax we hadn’t paid. Usually, we neglected to pay because the city had neglected to ever send a bill. Then one day, you get a notice you’re being sent to a collections agency, even though you still hadn’t received a bill yourself. 

Once we got a bill for trash pick-up. We were confused because we paid a refuse bill on time every month. But a lady on the phone informed us what we had paid was in fact only the garbage bill. There was completely different bill that was a tax for just having trash pick up available to us in the city. This bill was paying for the “possibility” our trash might be picked up. No kidding.

I’m sure they’re still probably working on a way to collect a tax on our taxes. 

All of this added together was a painful lesson on the difference between perception and reality. After we first moved to that city and were still living in an apartment, I walked down those very streets and fantasized about how wonderful living there would be. When we found the Golden House, we rejoiced and basically cried out, “Here, take our money” to the realtor. 

But the view from the outside of a situation is always much different from the inside. Nothing is ever quite what you expect…with houses, or with life.

The problem with so many of the things we want is it’s too often based on an illusion. We think a thing, a person, or a situation will bring happiness. But happiness is never found in those things outside of us.

Real happiness only happens from the inside out.

There’s an old fashioned Bible word for this foolishness: covetousness. The prohibition against coveting is actually the 10th and final commandment. It’s easily skimmed over in favor of the more R-rated commandments against murder or adultery. Simply wanting your neighbors stuff as opposed to stealing it or killing for it seems like no big deal in comparison.

But coveting is like a powerful drug. The addict never gets enough. Once he gets that one thing he’s obsessed over, he’s disappointed to realize it doesn’t fulfill his needs and he moves on to something more. The new car he’d wanted all his life now sits in the garage most days. She can’t even remember why she bought that purse now. That’s how coveting works: whatever you get, it’s never enough. You’re always left wanting something else, and even more addicted to your desires.

Whatever my eyes desired I did not keep from them. I did not withhold my heart from any pleasure, for my heart rejoiced in all my labor; And this was my reward from all my labor. Then I looked on all the works that my hands had done and on the labor in which I had toiled; And indeed all was vanity and grasping for the wind. There was no profit under the sun. - Ecclesiastes 2:10-11

Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions. - Luke 12:15

There was nothing wrong with us wanting a house. But it was very wrong of me to think that it would bring us so much happiness on its own. The ideal life and fulfillment I was expecting from a house was unreasonable. 

That kind of happiness only comes from God’s address, not mine.

Inevitably, we become like kids on the day after Christmas. We’ve opened every package, played with every toy, and we’re already bored with them. The newness wore off in a day, all because we were expecting too much from them to begin with.

Most homes stop being dream houses the minute we walk into them. Reality inevitably sets in, and the “house porn” on the realtor’s website is now just a bunch of plaster and dry wall. 

We finally made it out of our dream house before it killed us. No, we didn't run screaming from it in the middle of the night like in the Shining or the Amityville Horror. When we left, it did take quite a bite out of our finances, and we had to sell for quite a bit less than we'd paid. But the wound was worth it for the lesson we learned.

We’re in a new place now, in a much smaller city. We’re renting a little one-story house we’re hoping to buy soon. We're in a little neighborhood where we hardly ever lock our front door. It's pretty boring compared to city life, but that’s just fine with me.

I’ve discovered what really makes a “dream house”. The dream is not the house, it’s the people you put in it. Regardless of the size or location, those people are what makes life worthwhile. 

Everything else is just a dream. And all that glitters is not a golden house.

Our dream house was a 120-year old 3-story Victorian home. It was just a few blocks away from one of the loveliest parks in the city and the same distance from the church I pastored. I could literally walk to work, and did so on many mornings. How convenient!

Unlike the other brick houses that lined the streets nearby, this one was painted light yellow and stood apart from the rest. Plaster reliefs of baby angels wrapped around the base of the house. They represented the children of the original owners, making the structure even more unique. It also had a three-car garage at the back of it. Few houses in this older section of town had one as large, and many people resorted to parking on the street. But not us! On just an average salary, we had bought one of the nicest places to live in the area. 

I had always dreamed of owning a Victorian home. I had performed the role of Prof. Henry Higgins from the musical My Fair Lady right before we moved to our new city. So I was primed to live the life of the English gentleman, sipping tea in my beautiful old house. I loved the old wood, the stained glass windows, and our “penthouse suite” for my wife and me on the top floor. We’d be sequestered away from the noise of our little girls playing below us. It all seemed so ideal.

But it turned out to be anything but ideal. Our “Golden House”, as our little girls came to call it, was not so golden. In fact, our dream house almost killed us, quite literally. 

One afternoon I got a call at the church. It was Dawn, my wife, and she was sobbing hysterically. Finally I was able to make out enough of her words to understand what was happening.

“I fell…come home!”

Almost 20 years ago, my wife had been in a bad car accident that crushed her right leg. That ankle couldn’t turn at all. So as I ran the 5 blocks to my home, I knew what had happened.

When I got to the house, I found Dawn in the basement. She was headed to the washer and drier there, and had misjudged a step going down. She hit the concrete floor hard.

After getting her to the hospital, thankfully we learned nothing had been broken. However, that would be just the first of several falls for Dawn down those steps. We eventually moved the washer and drier up to the second floor, which helped a little. But the bottom line was a three-story house with narrow stairways were not meant for a woman who had challenges with mobility.

I also learned having your bedroom on the third-floor is not a good idea for a chubby guy in his mid-50s. There were a few days I wondered if I’d still be alive by the time I reached the top floor. Though I began on the stairway to the bedroom, I might end up on the stairway to heaven…

Then there was the city. Dawn and I always loved culture, restaurants, theater and all the things a great city has to offer. So living there, we felt like kids in a candy store. There was always some new restaurant to explore, always a show playing somewhere, and interesting people living all around us. It seemed ideal.

Except for crime. And taxes. Many cities are big on those, and ours was no exception. We had both in abundance.

One of our regular nightly diversions was watching the notifications on our community’s “Next Door App” alert us to all the recent shootings and hold-ups around us. One of us would hear gunshots, and I’d watch for the posts to pop up. I’d then calculate how close it was to our home. Many were within just a few blocks, some just down the street. 

We would occasionally get notices of some tax we hadn’t paid. Usually, we neglected to pay because the city had neglected to ever send a bill. Then one day, you get a notice you’re being sent to a collections agency, even though you still hadn’t received a bill yourself. 

Once we got a bill for trash pick-up. We were confused because we paid a refuse bill on time every month. But a lady on the phone informed us what we had paid was in fact only the garbage bill. There was completely different bill that was a tax for just having trash pick up available to us in the city. This bill was paying for the “possibility” our trash might be picked up. No kidding.

I’m sure they’re still probably working on a way to collect a tax on our taxes. 

All of this added together was a painful lesson on the difference between perception and reality. After we first moved to that city and were still living in an apartment, I walked down those very streets and fantasized about how wonderful living there would be. When we found the Golden House, we rejoiced and basically cried out, “Here, take our money” to the realtor. 

But the view from the outside of a situation is always much different from the inside. Nothing is ever quite what you expect…with houses, or with life.

The problem with so many of the things we want is it’s too often based on an illusion. We think a thing, a person, or a situation will bring happiness. But happiness is never found in those things outside of us.

Real happiness only happens from the inside out.

There’s an old fashioned Bible word for this foolishness: covetousness. The prohibition against coveting is actually the 10th and final commandment. It’s easily skimmed over in favor of the more R-rated commandments against murder or adultery. Simply wanting your neighbors stuff as opposed to stealing it or killing for it seems like no big deal in comparison.

But coveting is like a powerful drug. The addict never gets enough. Once he gets that one thing he’s obsessed over, he’s disappointed to realize it doesn’t fulfill his needs and he moves on to something more. The new car he’d wanted all his life now sits in the garage most days. She can’t even remember why she bought that purse now. That’s how coveting works: whatever you get, it’s never enough. You’re always left wanting something else, and even more addicted to your desires.

Whatever my eyes desired I did not keep from them. I did not withhold my heart from any pleasure, for my heart rejoiced in all my labor; And this was my reward from all my labor. Then I looked on all the works that my hands had done and on the labor in which I had toiled; And indeed all was vanity and grasping for the wind. There was no profit under the sun. - Ecclesiastes 2:10-11

Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions. - Luke 12:15

There was nothing wrong with us wanting a house. But it was very wrong of me to think that it would bring us so much happiness on its own. The ideal life and fulfillment I was expecting from a house was unreasonable. 

That kind of happiness only comes from God’s address, not mine.

Inevitably, we become like kids on the day after Christmas. We’ve opened every package, played with every toy, and we’re already bored with them. The newness wore off in a day, all because we were expecting too much from them to begin with.

Most homes stop being dream houses the minute we walk into them. Reality inevitably sets in, and the “house porn” on the realtor’s website is now just a bunch of plaster and dry wall. 

We finally made it out of our dream house before it killed us. No, we didn't run screaming from it in the middle of the night like in the Shining or the Amityville Horror. When we left, it did take quite a bite out of our finances, and we had to sell for quite a bit less than we'd paid. But the wound was worth it for the lesson we learned.

We’re in a new place now, in a much smaller city. We’re renting a little one-story house we’re hoping to buy soon. We're in a little neighborhood where we hardly ever lock our front door. It's pretty boring compared to city life, but that’s just fine with me.

I’ve discovered what really makes a “dream house”. The dream is not the house, it’s the people you put in it. Regardless of the size or location, those people are what makes life worthwhile. 

Everything else is just a dream. And all that glitters is not a golden house.