Too often, my life has been like a broken washing machine. I keep “repeating the cycle”.
Hindsight is 20/20, they say. Sometimes I wish it were a little more hazy. I’ve worked lots of jobs through the years, many times serving in churches. Though I never did anything illegal, I did behave in ways early on I’m not too proud of. And I often seemed to get caught in the same cycle at new jobs.
As a young man, here’s how my tenure would usually work…
Honeymoon period – I’d arrive and be thrilled to have this new position. I’d work hard to please, willing to put in any amount of hours and do most anything to impress people. Just like Jesus, I was willing to get my hands dirty and do the heavy-lifting required.
Golden Boy period – At about the three-month mark, my boss realized what a talented and hard-working guy I am. He would give me accolades in front of the staff and often the congregation. I was riding high, and everyone figured hiring me was a bargain, no matter what I was paid.
Spoiled Brat period – As time wore on, all the compliments and attaboys started to lose their magic. The minor irritations of my job begin to appear major. Where before no task was beneath me, now absolutely everything is beneath me. This church is “lucky to have me but doesn’t appreciate me enough”, right?
Rebellious Teen period – This is the point when all those frustrations built to the bubbling point. And when it all bubbled over, I left. Or I guess you could say I “ran away from home”. I’d pack up my bells and whistles and head for the next place, where no doubt they would finally appreciate me for all I was worth.
And there, I would inevitably repeat the same cycle again…
It was tricky to discern this pattern because a few places where I served were undeniably awful. There was one church where their theology was so compromised, I felt like I needed a shower every Sunday after church. But these outliers muddied the water and made it harder for me to recognize the endless Groundhog Day scenario I was trapped in.
Just like Bill Murray stuck in Punxsutawney, PA, I was doomed to repeat the same mistakes over and over again, at job after job.
That is, until I finally woke up and decided to change some things.
My epiphany would usually come about a year after I’d left the position. It took that long for my anger and pride to subside. I would then look back clear-eyed at the situation and actually begin to see how arrogant I’d been. But I usually didn’t notice it until long after I’d left.
I hadn’t done anything disgraceful. I’d simply been a jerk. And big surprise here: no one wants to be around a jerk, no matter how smart, talented or funny he is.
Another surprising thing was I noticed how all these churches managed to get along after I left. I mean…seriously, can you believe it?
Instead of pining away for me like a jilted school girl, they hired new ministers they seemed perfectly happy with. Somehow, people were able to muddle through without me. What a cruel realization, after believing for so long the world turned on my axis!
Now that I’ve matured a bit, I have actually apologized to a few of my former bosses. Some have been gracious and pretended not to know what I was talking about.
The good news is I believe that like Bill Murray, I have learned the hard way from repeating the same lesson over and over again. God is a stubborn teacher. He will make you repeat the class a million times, if that’s what it takes.
Frankly, He’s brutal. He will put us through a merciless amount of pain just to save us from ourselves. But He knows the worst thing He could do to us is leave us the way we are. That would be the cruelest fate of all.
I have three grown kids who are Millennials now, and it often appears their generation are experts at what I’ve described. Sometimes, I see young people going through the same learning process I went through. They think the world owes them something. How soon they’ll learn the world will turn just fine without them. God can get His work done with or without their glorious gifts.
None of us are really irreplaceable here. With God, we are all on a “mercy date” – we’re the ugly boy whose voice is changing, but who somehow snagged the prettiest girl for the prom.
You can learn the hard way, or the easy way. But learn quickly, for your own sake. Because eventually, you’ll get too old to keep repeating the first grade and you will have missed your opportunity.
It’s up to you how long you spend in Groundhog Day. When you’ve finally had enough, God will happily lead you out of Punxsutawney…
…but how long you stay there is up to you.
