My Stepford Wife

This is soup. My awesome wife Dawn made some for supper tonight.

Author’s note: I did not force her to cook this meal in any patrician/male-dominating sort of way. I’m pretty sure she did not feel coerced to do it and it did not betray her femininity to take on such a traditional conservative role for women.

I also did not “man-splain” to her how it should be done. I treat my wife as an equal partner, even though she allows me to be the leader in our home. That balance has always worked wonderfully for us.

I guess Dawn is what some of you might refer to as a “Stepford Wife”. The Stepford Wives was a horror movie about men who had their wives replaced with subservient robots. These new wives looked just like the old ones, but never aged and never said no. The movie was a feminist shot against traditional views of marriage and family.  The idea was women were being forced against their wills into lives they didn’t want by men who wanted mindless slaves more than partners.

But in contrast to that movie, I’m pretty sure my wife doesn’t feel boxed in by motherhood and domestic life. No one forced it on her – she chose it herself and thrives in it.  And I am incredibly blessed because of that.

You see, we have something called “a real life”. My wife has never felt the need to go to a women’s march. Despite the media’s attempts, she doesn’t feel oppressed by her role in our family. Though she votes, she’s not what you would call “politically active”. Instead, she finds practical ways to change the world, one life at a time.

Funny…she seems to think that by raising our kids and making a happy home, she’s changing the world in the most potent way possible.

I suppose she really is rather out of touch. Because instead of just posting about what’s wrong in the world, my wife actually tries to do things that make the world better. She volunteers at school, we foster other people’s children, we adopt.

I find that to be quite a contrast to the people who just speak loudly about the latest “Cause Dejour”, then do absolutely nothing that matters. She simply doesn’t waste her time with the “hashtag armies” on social media.

I know you probably think I forced this life on her, but you would be wrong. I never asked or expected  Dawn to be a stay-at-home mom. She’s had several jobs over the years, and I was happy for her to pursue a career. But she’s always felt that extra work kept her from her truest joy: being a wife and mom.

In case you didn’t know, that choice is a real sacrifice. I haven’t always made much money as a pastor, so her staying home meant we didn’t have the spare cash others did. All our trips out of town are to stay with family.

We haven’t taken a real vacation to a theme park or resort in…oh…quite a while. 

We’ve also made the sacrifice over the years to homeschool our kids at times. This wasn’t so we could brainwash them with some cultic philosophy, unless you call basic Christianity a cult. We didn’t keep them quarantined from all popular culture or make them wear clothes from Little House on the Prairie while taking classes in butter churning. We just wanted to protect them from some things the rest of the world allows in public school that we didn’t think were age-appropriate.

So back to this evening’s repast. It’s potato soup, with some bacon and parsley mixed. It’s been a bit cold outside, so we’re gonna eat soup and feel all warm inside. While we eat, we’ll joke and smile at each other across the table. I’ll probably thank her in front of the kids for taking the time cook the meal. I almost always do that because, again, I don’t expect it and no one demands it of her.

You see, this is called being a traditional Christian family. No one’s being forced into any gender-specific something-or-other. No one’s personality is being squelched, or rights being infringed upon. This is simply the way God said He made us, and to surrender to that is how we will best find happiness. As a result, it has brought us incredible joy throughout the years. 

I realize ours is a lifestyle some make fun of as “backward”.  You might be surprised if you got to know us that we’re actually not stupid or sexually repressed. We’re not hate-filled, nor fear-mongering. We don’t look down on others who do not share our values, though we do feel like they are missing out.

Perhaps the main difference between our family and yours is that we see simpler, more traditional things in life as being the most valuable. We want to hold onto those things, cherish them, and preserve them in the midst of a world bent on ridiculing and destroying everything pure and innocent.

Our lives are not that radical, when you think of it. We actually treasure some of the same basics – family, children, home, faith – that have been valued for thousands of years, regardless of culture or background.

It’s possible you may think you’re too sophisticated to hold onto out-dated traditions. Surely, no  educated, sophisticated person would want to hold onto the past with its rules and boundaries hindering unbridled freedoms and sexual exploration?

Yet amazingly, backward people like my wife and I often have very informed opinions on issues. That is, if you bother to listen to us and avoid prejudging us (the way you assume we prejudge everyone else).

It may surprise you that someone with a different lifestyle than yours has a good heart and a sharp mind, but simply sees a different solution to the same problems you see.

Can you accept that? These days, I’m not so sure. Everyone today thinks anyone who disagrees with them is either ignorant or evil. Can you accept my sweet wife as an example of a successful contemporary woman, even if she doesn’t ascribe to your political agenda and worldview?

Take a moment and answer that for yourself. Think about it, and I’ll eat another spoonful of soup.

There’s a lot of angry talk these days declaring women think only one way. But women are not that simple, trust me. They think for themselves, regardless of what marching orders they get from their husbands…or society!

So how do we begin to respect women, ALL women? How do we learn to stop labeling each other and start listening respectfully?

Start with soup. Because regardless of people’s politics or religion, seriously, who doesn’t like soup? ;0)