A man asked to meet me at Starbucks after church one day. He was probably in his late 60s or early 70s, and he immediately impressed me by riding his bike to our little meeting.
He explained that after losing his wife of 40+ years in death, he had remarried. His new wife was a Christian like him, but one of their few differences was politics. He is a conservative, and she more progressive. But everything was going along just fine…
…until her candidate lost the presidency and his won.
Strangely enough, his wife didn’t seem to have a problem with his politics at first. But it was a different story when her party was no longer in power.
Her anger simmered over the months and then boiled over during the inauguration. Now it was February, and she continued to remark openly about how bad the new president was, knowing her husband had voted for him.
“I know I’m not the sharpest knife in the drawer,” he says with humor and humility. “And I’m no great catch when it comes to looks either!”. He says he never brings up politics with her and has done everything he knows to avoid the conversation.
Now he asks me something that truly amazes me.
“So, in a gesture of humility, I’m wondering if I should just try to change my political inclinations. I’m truly afraid if I don’t that our marriage is in jeopardy. Should I just try to stop believing my way and give in to hers?”
A side note to you women out there: if you ever find a man this humble, you’d better do anything you can to keep him. Because he’s one in a million.
This is where we are today as a nation. We’ve become so self-assured, so arrogant, and so condescending to others, we can no longer tolerate those who disagree with us, even within our own families.
When this all started on the cable news shows, it seemed just like exciting television. If the pundits didn’t get their way, they just yelled louder. When someone disagreed, they called them names and impugned their character. Nothing more fun than watching a good fight!
But now it has seeped into our daily lives and relationships. We are the ones fighting, and we’re now attacking people we love.
Political acrimony is now destroying friendships, families, and yes, even marriages. And I don’t believe for one minute it’s an accident. It is actually a strategy, but not from the democrats or republicans exclusively.
It’s a strategy straight from the pits of hell that’s worked for thousands of years: “divide and conquer”.
“Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation, and every city or house divided against itself will not stand”. – Jesus (Matthew 12:25)
This is how Satan works to destroy the things he hates but are so precious to us: churches, marriages, families, and nations.
He tells us we need to “stand up for what’s right”, which really means “fight for your own way”. He inserts our pride into the mix, so that winning the argument is all that matters. It doesn’t matter what we say, what we do, how much it hurts, and along the way we stop worrying about whether what we say is even true or not.
We simply must win at all costs. As a result, we’re living in the most volatile times I’ve seen. And it is all because everyone’s heart is on their sleeve while their foot is in their mouth.
Abraham Lincoln was faced with that same attitude from the South during the Civil War. Yes, I realize the war was about more than just slavery, but slavery was integral to the South’s refusal and ultimate rebellion. In order to acknowledge the basic humanity of their slaves, they would have had to change their way of life. Their standard of living would be greatly affected.
So instead of putting their fellow humans first, they refused to see at what an evil price their comforts required. They demanded their way and when they didn’t get it, they chose a war that almost destroyed the nation.
We are never more like Satan than when we demand “our way”…
How art thou fallen from heaven, O day-star, son of the morning! how art thou cut down to the ground, that didst lay low the nations! And thou saidst in thy heart, I will ascend into heaven, I will exalt my throne above the stars of God; and I will sit upon the mount of congregation, in the uttermost parts of the north; I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will make myself like the Most High.
Isaiah 14:12-14
The Revolutionary says, “fight for your rights”. But the way of Christ says “give up your rights” for something greater than yourself.
The political parties of this husband and wife in my story are irrelevant – they are interchangeable. The main difference was the husband was willing to sacrifice anything in order to save the marriage. But the wife was willing to risk destroying her marriage and used her politics to beat her husband into submission.
Understand, I’m not saying you shouldn’t protest against wrong. Absolutely! Make your voice heard and stand up for what you believe is right! But in doing so, realize people are not your enemy. Most of those on the other side are trying to fix the same problems you are. They simply see a different solution than you do.
People occasionally get frustrated with me on this. They ask, “Are you afraid to take a stand for what’s right?” But standing for “right” is different that wearing my opinion on my sleeve. Standing for right means defending eternal unchanging ideals. But politics is rarely about that. It is usually about two groups of people with different opinions on how to accomplish the same things.
So we sacrifice the things we have that really matter – our relationships – on the altar of some candidate we’ve never even met.
What a waste.
If evil can tempt us to pummel our friends into submission on social media, we’ll eventually be alone and friendless. How much more vulnerable will we be then to the real Enemy when he attacks us?
We need the support of friends more than we need our political causes. But once Satan separates us from the rest of the flock, that’s when the wolf can pounce and devour the lone weak sheep without opposition.
As our conversation closed that day, I told my friend that while it was noble for him to offer to change his ideology, ultimately that would be impossible. I offered him a simple prescription to fix their shaky marriage:
“You both need to agree to never watch cable news again.”
“Really?” he asked.
“Really,” I confirmed, “at least until your relationship is stronger than your opinions.”
Why? Because…
People > opinions
And likewise…
Relationships > politics
Tell me, would you put a gag on yourself if it would save one of your friendships? I would! Though I have every right to speak out, there’s no political view that’s more important than any friend I cherish.
No relationship I have is worth losing over politics!
God meant us to live in community with each other. Therefore, I’m determined to watch my mouth and hold my friends closer than my opinions whenever possible.
So be careful. Soon you may be doing your shouting all alone in an empty room. And like that tree falling in the forest with no one near, it won’t matter what you say if there’s no one left to hear it.
