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Surviving a Vampire Attack

So I just survived a vampire attack. Yeah, who would have thought it?

Let’s call her “Helen”. She had met with me once before. It was one of those meetings where the person shows up at a worship service and demands to see the pastor immediately.

She doesn’t stop to think he might already have responsibilities that day. Like…oh, let’s say…LEADING THE ENTIRE SERVICE!

So I tell Helen if she has to talk today, I’ve got 30 minutes before the next service. She says, “Sure, that should be fine.”

Thirty minutes later she is still telling me her life story, which is endless, self-created drama. She recalls each painful memory in way too much detail.

You’ve heard of “long story, short”? This is “long story, EPIC MINISERIES”!

Finally, knowing I have another service starting immediately, I try to bottom line what she wants from me. So she finally says she wants my assurance that if she comes to my church, she will never be hurt again.

Of course, I could make no such promise. A church is filled with people, and people have a tendency of eventually hurting each other in some way. The only way to love is to make yourself vulnerable to human contact.

You can’t get any joy in life with bubble-wrap around the circumference of your feelings.

Now it’s several weeks later, and Helen’s calling back again. I’m out of the office, so she tells a secretary it’s an emergency. The secretary gives her my personal cell phone number, thinking it’s life or death. I anxiously answer the phone, expecting to hear Helen calling from a hospital bed somewhere.

What’s the emergency? She simply wants to rehash the same hurts from her past. Again. And again.

Now today, I’m on call number three from Helen. When she starts into her same spiel about her life, I abruptly stop her in mid-sentence and say, “I’m sorry, but I can’t help you.” Stunned silence overwhelms the phone.

Why in the world would a pastor say he couldn’t help someone?

I’ll tell you why: because it was then I realized Helen was in fact a vampire. An emotional vampire. She is a predator masquerading as a victim.

You see, pain for people like Helen is a badge of honor. She holds onto it like others hold a Heisman trophy. She has no intentions of giving it up, working through her pain, forgiving her oppressors and moving toward a place of healing.

She would lose herself if she did that, because her wound is now her identity. She specializes in staying wounded.

Without their pain, who would people like Helen be?

I know. You’re wondering if you could have cut someone off like I did Helen. I assure you it wasn’t out of anger, but only after repeated attempts at help by me and many others. After pastoring for a while you begin to recognize the people who have no intention of letting you help them.

They love being the victim, and wouldn’t give it up for a million bucks.

So the vampires prey on the friend with the Messiah-complex who’s gonna fix everyone. They’re a sucking wound whose currency is misery. Their sustenance is the attention that misery brings.

Attention is what they really want. Spiritual healing would actually spoil all their fun.

After wasting too much time on them over the years, I finally realized why they were coming to me. It wasn’t God sending them so I could help them. No, quite the opposite. It was Satan sending them to distract me from the ones who really wanted help. What a perfect ploy.

One of the best strategies to destroy a soft-hearted sucker like you and me is to send person after person who says they want help, but have no intention of changing. These people look normal but are in fact “emotional vampires”, sucking your energy dry. And that’s the plan…

They are sent so we’ll wear ourselves out banging our heads against the brick wall of their pain, and then we have no energy left for everyone else. After dealing with a few too many “Helens”, we become cynical and selfish with our time and energy. Then there’s nothing left for the people who really need us.

Our current culture isn’t helping. Every day it seems like there’s a trendy new group of victims we can join and identify with. The whole world seems to be standing in line to be offended, bruised, or emotionally incapacitated.

Our national symbol should be the “pouty lip”.

The best thing about being a victim is that no one expects anything from you. It’s like when you were home sick as a kid – how awesome was that! You got to stay in bed all day watching tv. Mom brought you your meals. And you were never expected to do any of your usual chores because, remember? YOU’RE SICK!

Being a victim is the cart blanch, get-out-of-jail free card from all responsibility. And as a bonus, you get LOADS of attention.

Well, if you really are a vampire walking around in the daylight disguised like a normal person, consider this your little wake up call…

We’re done listening to the whining. Sorry, it’s over. You’ve worn out your welcome.

If you have emotional baggage in your life or you have been slighted in some way by society, you’re not exceptional in that…so welcome to the club. This club is called “humanity”. We’re all in it together, because we’ve all faced something tragic and emotional wounding in life.

Sure, some have faced something so hard they honestly can’t function anymore. I truly feel for them. But if you are reading this today, sitting upright and able to dress yourself, then you’re problem not one of those poor souls.

Oh, I know…YOUR pain is so much worse than everyone else’s. YOUR circumstance is the exception. And as long as I’m a different sex/race/religion than you, I simply can’t understand what you’re going through.

Please.

While I may not know the specific journey you’ve been on, I’m human too. And that humanity means I understand pain. It is our common denominator, regardless of race, sex, creed or national origin.

Pain is the common ground for all people. In fact, our mutual pain is part of our shared human experience – it’s one of the few things that truly binds us all together.

That is, unless you’re a vampire. Then it’s just a tool for you to use to get attention and avoid taking responsibility for going to God for healing.

Hmmm, maybe that’s why Jesus asked the sick man laying at the pool of Bethesda, “Do you want to be healed?” Seems the pool had become a place where people could make a living begging – some truly sick and some not so much. Maybe Jesus knew that to be healed might destroy the way the man had learned to cope with life.

Jesus knew that sometimes our dysfunction becomes our profession.

Jesus knew some people don’t want to be healed. They don’t want to get past their hurt, because they’d have to forgive someone first. They don’t want to participate in their own healing, because then they’d be expected to dispense that healing to others.

And then it wouldn’t all be about them.

I spent about an hour on the phone last night. This was a call I’m glad I took, from a friend who’s truly had a rough time recently. Actually, he’s struggled with one thing or other his whole life, it seems.

Funny thing is, I don’t get frustrated or impatient with him. That’s because he really is trying to change. So I don’t mind hearing the latest problem he’s dealing with, and then trying to walk him through the steps needed to come out the other side. I can tell he’s listening, and I know he’ll put into practice any steps toward improvement I give him.

That’s the difference. He really wants to be healed. And for that, I’ve got all the time in the world.

So, if you want to be well, get ready to participate in your own healing.

“Take up your mat and walk”

If not, just lay there and keep whining. Some sucker will eventually listen and waste their time on you. Don’t worry – you’ll get the attention you want.

But if you really want to be healed, I know a Man you can see about that. But even He will not just listen to you whine. He’ll tell you to take up what you’ve been laying on and start walking.

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Our dream house was a 120-year old 3-story Victorian home. It was just a few blocks away from one of the loveliest parks in the city and the same distance from the church I pastored. I could literally walk to work, and did so on many mornings. How convenient!

Unlike the other brick houses that lined the streets nearby, this one was painted light yellow and stood apart from the rest. Plaster reliefs of baby angels wrapped around the base of the house. They represented the children of the original owners, making the structure even more unique. It also had a three-car garage at the back of it. Few houses in this older section of town had one as large, and many people resorted to parking on the street. But not us! On just an average salary, we had bought one of the nicest places to live in the area. 

I had always dreamed of owning a Victorian home. I had performed the role of Prof. Henry Higgins from the musical My Fair Lady right before we moved to our new city. So I was primed to live the life of the English gentleman, sipping tea in my beautiful old house. I loved the old wood, the stained glass windows, and our “penthouse suite” for my wife and me on the top floor. We’d be sequestered away from the noise of our little girls playing below us. It all seemed so ideal.

But it turned out to be anything but ideal. Our “Golden House”, as our little girls came to call it, was not so golden. In fact, our dream house almost killed us, quite literally. 

One afternoon I got a call at the church. It was Dawn, my wife, and she was sobbing hysterically. Finally I was able to make out enough of her words to understand what was happening.

“I fell…come home!”

Almost 20 years ago, my wife had been in a bad car accident that crushed her right leg. That ankle couldn’t turn at all. So as I ran the 5 blocks to my home, I knew what had happened.

When I got to the house, I found Dawn in the basement. She was headed to the washer and drier there, and had misjudged a step going down. She hit the concrete floor hard.

After getting her to the hospital, thankfully we learned nothing had been broken. However, that would be just the first of several falls for Dawn down those steps. We eventually moved the washer and drier up to the second floor, which helped a little. But the bottom line was a three-story house with narrow stairways were not meant for a woman who had challenges with mobility.

I also learned having your bedroom on the third-floor is not a good idea for a chubby guy in his mid-50s. There were a few days I wondered if I’d still be alive by the time I reached the top floor. Though I began on the stairway to the bedroom, I might end up on the stairway to heaven…

Then there was the city. Dawn and I always loved culture, restaurants, theater and all the things a great city has to offer. So living there, we felt like kids in a candy store. There was always some new restaurant to explore, always a show playing somewhere, and interesting people living all around us. It seemed ideal.

Except for crime. And taxes. Many cities are big on those, and ours was no exception. We had both in abundance.

One of our regular nightly diversions was watching the notifications on our community’s “Next Door App” alert us to all the recent shootings and hold-ups around us. One of us would hear gunshots, and I’d watch for the posts to pop up. I’d then calculate how close it was to our home. Many were within just a few blocks, some just down the street. 

We would occasionally get notices of some tax we hadn’t paid. Usually, we neglected to pay because the city had neglected to ever send a bill. Then one day, you get a notice you’re being sent to a collections agency, even though you still hadn’t received a bill yourself. 

Once we got a bill for trash pick-up. We were confused because we paid a refuse bill on time every month. But a lady on the phone informed us what we had paid was in fact only the garbage bill. There was completely different bill that was a tax for just having trash pick up available to us in the city. This bill was paying for the “possibility” our trash might be picked up. No kidding.

I’m sure they’re still probably working on a way to collect a tax on our taxes. 

All of this added together was a painful lesson on the difference between perception and reality. After we first moved to that city and were still living in an apartment, I walked down those very streets and fantasized about how wonderful living there would be. When we found the Golden House, we rejoiced and basically cried out, “Here, take our money” to the realtor. 

But the view from the outside of a situation is always much different from the inside. Nothing is ever quite what you expect…with houses, or with life.

The problem with so many of the things we want is it’s too often based on an illusion. We think a thing, a person, or a situation will bring happiness. But happiness is never found in those things outside of us.

Real happiness only happens from the inside out.

There’s an old fashioned Bible word for this foolishness: covetousness. The prohibition against coveting is actually the 10th and final commandment. It’s easily skimmed over in favor of the more R-rated commandments against murder or adultery. Simply wanting your neighbors stuff as opposed to stealing it or killing for it seems like no big deal in comparison.

But coveting is like a powerful drug. The addict never gets enough. Once he gets that one thing he’s obsessed over, he’s disappointed to realize it doesn’t fulfill his needs and he moves on to something more. The new car he’d wanted all his life now sits in the garage most days. She can’t even remember why she bought that purse now. That’s how coveting works: whatever you get, it’s never enough. You’re always left wanting something else, and even more addicted to your desires.

Whatever my eyes desired I did not keep from them. I did not withhold my heart from any pleasure, for my heart rejoiced in all my labor; And this was my reward from all my labor. Then I looked on all the works that my hands had done and on the labor in which I had toiled; And indeed all was vanity and grasping for the wind. There was no profit under the sun. - Ecclesiastes 2:10-11

Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions. - Luke 12:15

There was nothing wrong with us wanting a house. But it was very wrong of me to think that it would bring us so much happiness on its own. The ideal life and fulfillment I was expecting from a house was unreasonable. 

That kind of happiness only comes from God’s address, not mine.

Inevitably, we become like kids on the day after Christmas. We’ve opened every package, played with every toy, and we’re already bored with them. The newness wore off in a day, all because we were expecting too much from them to begin with.

Most homes stop being dream houses the minute we walk into them. Reality inevitably sets in, and the “house porn” on the realtor’s website is now just a bunch of plaster and dry wall. 

We finally made it out of our dream house before it killed us. No, we didn't run screaming from it in the middle of the night like in the Shining or the Amityville Horror. When we left, it did take quite a bite out of our finances, and we had to sell for quite a bit less than we'd paid. But the wound was worth it for the lesson we learned.

We’re in a new place now, in a much smaller city. We’re renting a little one-story house we’re hoping to buy soon. We're in a little neighborhood where we hardly ever lock our front door. It's pretty boring compared to city life, but that’s just fine with me.

I’ve discovered what really makes a “dream house”. The dream is not the house, it’s the people you put in it. Regardless of the size or location, those people are what makes life worthwhile. 

Everything else is just a dream. And all that glitters is not a golden house.

Our dream house was a 120-year old 3-story Victorian home. It was just a few blocks away from one of the loveliest parks in the city and the same distance from the church I pastored. I could literally walk to work, and did so on many mornings. How convenient!

Unlike the other brick houses that lined the streets nearby, this one was painted light yellow and stood apart from the rest. Plaster reliefs of baby angels wrapped around the base of the house. They represented the children of the original owners, making the structure even more unique. It also had a three-car garage at the back of it. Few houses in this older section of town had one as large, and many people resorted to parking on the street. But not us! On just an average salary, we had bought one of the nicest places to live in the area. 

I had always dreamed of owning a Victorian home. I had performed the role of Prof. Henry Higgins from the musical My Fair Lady right before we moved to our new city. So I was primed to live the life of the English gentleman, sipping tea in my beautiful old house. I loved the old wood, the stained glass windows, and our “penthouse suite” for my wife and me on the top floor. We’d be sequestered away from the noise of our little girls playing below us. It all seemed so ideal.

But it turned out to be anything but ideal. Our “Golden House”, as our little girls came to call it, was not so golden. In fact, our dream house almost killed us, quite literally. 

One afternoon I got a call at the church. It was Dawn, my wife, and she was sobbing hysterically. Finally I was able to make out enough of her words to understand what was happening.

“I fell…come home!”

Almost 20 years ago, my wife had been in a bad car accident that crushed her right leg. That ankle couldn’t turn at all. So as I ran the 5 blocks to my home, I knew what had happened.

When I got to the house, I found Dawn in the basement. She was headed to the washer and drier there, and had misjudged a step going down. She hit the concrete floor hard.

After getting her to the hospital, thankfully we learned nothing had been broken. However, that would be just the first of several falls for Dawn down those steps. We eventually moved the washer and drier up to the second floor, which helped a little. But the bottom line was a three-story house with narrow stairways were not meant for a woman who had challenges with mobility.

I also learned having your bedroom on the third-floor is not a good idea for a chubby guy in his mid-50s. There were a few days I wondered if I’d still be alive by the time I reached the top floor. Though I began on the stairway to the bedroom, I might end up on the stairway to heaven…

Then there was the city. Dawn and I always loved culture, restaurants, theater and all the things a great city has to offer. So living there, we felt like kids in a candy store. There was always some new restaurant to explore, always a show playing somewhere, and interesting people living all around us. It seemed ideal.

Except for crime. And taxes. Many cities are big on those, and ours was no exception. We had both in abundance.

One of our regular nightly diversions was watching the notifications on our community’s “Next Door App” alert us to all the recent shootings and hold-ups around us. One of us would hear gunshots, and I’d watch for the posts to pop up. I’d then calculate how close it was to our home. Many were within just a few blocks, some just down the street. 

We would occasionally get notices of some tax we hadn’t paid. Usually, we neglected to pay because the city had neglected to ever send a bill. Then one day, you get a notice you’re being sent to a collections agency, even though you still hadn’t received a bill yourself. 

Once we got a bill for trash pick-up. We were confused because we paid a refuse bill on time every month. But a lady on the phone informed us what we had paid was in fact only the garbage bill. There was completely different bill that was a tax for just having trash pick up available to us in the city. This bill was paying for the “possibility” our trash might be picked up. No kidding.

I’m sure they’re still probably working on a way to collect a tax on our taxes. 

All of this added together was a painful lesson on the difference between perception and reality. After we first moved to that city and were still living in an apartment, I walked down those very streets and fantasized about how wonderful living there would be. When we found the Golden House, we rejoiced and basically cried out, “Here, take our money” to the realtor. 

But the view from the outside of a situation is always much different from the inside. Nothing is ever quite what you expect…with houses, or with life.

The problem with so many of the things we want is it’s too often based on an illusion. We think a thing, a person, or a situation will bring happiness. But happiness is never found in those things outside of us.

Real happiness only happens from the inside out.

There’s an old fashioned Bible word for this foolishness: covetousness. The prohibition against coveting is actually the 10th and final commandment. It’s easily skimmed over in favor of the more R-rated commandments against murder or adultery. Simply wanting your neighbors stuff as opposed to stealing it or killing for it seems like no big deal in comparison.

But coveting is like a powerful drug. The addict never gets enough. Once he gets that one thing he’s obsessed over, he’s disappointed to realize it doesn’t fulfill his needs and he moves on to something more. The new car he’d wanted all his life now sits in the garage most days. She can’t even remember why she bought that purse now. That’s how coveting works: whatever you get, it’s never enough. You’re always left wanting something else, and even more addicted to your desires.

Whatever my eyes desired I did not keep from them. I did not withhold my heart from any pleasure, for my heart rejoiced in all my labor; And this was my reward from all my labor. Then I looked on all the works that my hands had done and on the labor in which I had toiled; And indeed all was vanity and grasping for the wind. There was no profit under the sun. - Ecclesiastes 2:10-11

Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions. - Luke 12:15

There was nothing wrong with us wanting a house. But it was very wrong of me to think that it would bring us so much happiness on its own. The ideal life and fulfillment I was expecting from a house was unreasonable. 

That kind of happiness only comes from God’s address, not mine.

Inevitably, we become like kids on the day after Christmas. We’ve opened every package, played with every toy, and we’re already bored with them. The newness wore off in a day, all because we were expecting too much from them to begin with.

Most homes stop being dream houses the minute we walk into them. Reality inevitably sets in, and the “house porn” on the realtor’s website is now just a bunch of plaster and dry wall. 

We finally made it out of our dream house before it killed us. No, we didn't run screaming from it in the middle of the night like in the Shining or the Amityville Horror. When we left, it did take quite a bite out of our finances, and we had to sell for quite a bit less than we'd paid. But the wound was worth it for the lesson we learned.

We’re in a new place now, in a much smaller city. We’re renting a little one-story house we’re hoping to buy soon. We're in a little neighborhood where we hardly ever lock our front door. It's pretty boring compared to city life, but that’s just fine with me.

I’ve discovered what really makes a “dream house”. The dream is not the house, it’s the people you put in it. Regardless of the size or location, those people are what makes life worthwhile. 

Everything else is just a dream. And all that glitters is not a golden house.