When all others abandoned you, there was one friend who stayed by your side: your pet rock. He never left your side, even when you were at your worst.
Well, to be honest he couldn’t leave because…well, he’s an inanimate object. But during your many struggles, he’s been your rock of Gibraltar (in miniature), solid (like a…well, you know), immovable (unless you pick him up) during the stormy seas of life.
But when you pass on to glory, can you expect to meet this beloved companion on the other side?
First, let’s look at the Biblical evidence supporting pet rocks going to heaven…
…
Um, well, there doesn’t really appear to be any Biblical evidence. But by all means, don’t let that stop you! Millions of professing Christians have learned to ignore the Bible and believe whatever tickles their fancy. Many “Christians” claim to believe in Jesus but ALSO believe the universe speaks to them, that karma is a law of nature, that people are basically good (despite pesky reality creeping in), and that all pets (not just rocks) go to heaven.
So if you can’t imagine heaven without your “emotional-support paperweight”, surely a loving God would add him/her/it to your home in glory.
That kind of belief is “sweet, but not concrete” (I hope you’re keeping score with all the rock puns). It’s not based on any theological foundation. It’s wishful thinking, and many of us are getting our beliefs more from Peter Pan than Jesus. Like Peter saying “I do believe in fairies”, we think just wishing something makes it so!
By now, I hope you realize I’m being sarcastic about the rocks. No one really cares about rocks going to heaven (I hope). I’m using absurdity to illustrate something absurd: how we sentimentalize and re-imagine concrete (pun intended) theological teachings. If the Bible doesn’t speak to something important to us, we simply add it to our belief system regardless.
Why? Because it makes us feel good. And how can something that feels so right be wrong?
I started going down this rabbit hole partly because some little old ladies cleaned my clock a few weeks ago when I dared suggest their pets might not go to heaven. Biblically speaking, there’s absolutely nothing about pets having souls and ending up in the great beyond. I didn’t say it couldn’t happen, just that there was no reason theologically to expect to see them there.
I thought I’d end the exchange by suggesting we should worry more about our neighbors getting there than just Fluffy and Mr Whiskers. And that’s when somebody sic-ed the dogs on me!
While the question of pets’ afterlife is rather trivial, how we play fast and loose with Christian teaching is a really big deal. We’re potentially making heaven a place based on nothing more than our imagination.
What happens after we die really matters. It is serious business. But sweet stories we tell children and little old ladies to make them feel better will evaporate into the ether.
I did a funeral last week that was one for the books. I didn’t know the family, who introduced me as “Father Dave”, and was just there at their request. After I read Scripture and consoled the family, I gave a heart-felt benediction. When I’d finished, a lady came up and pulled out a gallon-sized bottle of Hennessy (cognac). She instructed everyone it was time to make a toast to Grampa. As the entire group lifted their glasses, she yelled loudly:
“We all know Grampa lived his life just how he wanted, and never let anyone tell him what to do. He raised hell and never regretted it. So here’s to you, Grampa! You were one bad mother___________!”
It was right about then I figured my work was done and excused myself. It would have been more honest if Grampa’s bartender had led the ceremony. He would have certainly known more about the man than I did.
Like the folks at Grampa’s funeral, most people have a stubborn ability to harmonize completely non-Christian ideas into a supposedly Christian life. That family wanted the blessing of a Christian pastor for someone whom it appears never lived anything resembling a Christian life.
The irony of heaven is that the ones who feel they deserve to go there are the very ones who’ll surely never make it. Only the humble who admit they don’t belong ever get in the door. But the ones playing by their own rules who try to crash the party will get unceremoniously bounced at the door.
Jesus Himself said as much:
“Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it” – Matthew 7:13-14
The Biblical description of heaven and how to get there is more concrete than your average pet rock. And one day, when you’re standing before Him, you’ll realize He’s the only rock you should pay attention to.
