I had to do something that broke my heart last week. I actually blocked a friend on Facebook.
Blocking him made me extremely sad. But he just couldn’t resist getting combative with me every single time I hit his “hot button issues”, even though I always try to stay away from hot buttons. When I realized he was determined to pick a fight, I regretfully unfriended him.
When he kept persisting to fight with me in yet another post, I finally had to block him.
This is even sadder since my friend was actually a fellow Christian. Strangely enough, we agreed on all the most important tenets of faith. But he just couldn’t let another “style” of doing ministry go unchallenged. Repeatedly.
The worst part was I knew non-Christians were watching all this. You see, I make friends with as many as possible, in hopes of sharing my faith. As a result, I have lots of non-Christians on my page. So every time he picked a fight on some minuscule issue of church methodology, it told all my unbelieving friends church was a place where they’d be nitpicked to death too.
So now, he’s blocked from seeing my posts and a friendship that could’ve easily endured our disagreements is gone. And none of it had to happen.
If a pastor lets you on his personal Facebook account, he’s giving you a privilege. He’s trusting you to realize he’s taken a risk, and expects you to act with respect.
So if you want to be my friend on social media, I request the following…
1. Please do not tag me in a post you know I disagree with.
If you wish to challenge my theology, send me something privately. I will seriously consider it, and there’s a very small chance I’ll change my very closed, vacuum-sealed mind.
But that chance diminishes rapidly if you try to embarrass me publicly.
So if you think I’m a Calvinist, don’t tag me in that article about Calvinists being part of Satan’s end times strategy. Or if I like contemporary worship songs, don’t tag me in the post about how “Reckless Love” has increased the number of car accidents for believers.
If you do, you’re picking a fight. And Jesus wouldn’t do that.
2. Please don’t tag me in any political posts whatsoever.
As a pastor, I try to stay out of taking political sides unless it directly involves an issue of morality. So it is very rare I post anything favoring one side over the other.
But there may even be times when I agree with your post but don’t like the way the post is communicated. For example: I am very Pro-Life. However, there’s a kind way to make your point, but there are also some very rude ways I’ve witnessed. Even when I say something prophetic or convicting, I always want to say it in the kindest way possible.
It’s very easy for pastors to come off as judgmental. We often get accused of being so even when we’re not. So please help me be loving toward all my friends, Democrat, Republicans, and everyone in between.
3. If you strongly disagree with something I say in a post, I welcome your correction IN PRIVATE.
I am one of the last practitioners today of “agreeing to disagree”, so I will happily listen if you think I’ve crossed some line in my posts. I have good friends who are Atheists, Buddhists, and most everything else.
BUT…please rebuke me in private if at all possible. My position is that of a leader and example for quite a few folks. So taking me to the woodshed in secret will help me not respond out of wounded pride. Plus, I’ll be more likely to repent of whatever you’ve pointed out.
I’m even open to people disagreeing openly in the comments of my post. But there’s a “nice” way to disagree that doesn’t imply I’m a Nazi, a Communist, a complete idiot, or a combination of all three. If you are in fact my friend, you’ll never want to shame or embarrass me publicly.
Love covers over a multitude of sins, and doesn’t expose them publicly to ridicule. If you’ve been on Twitter too long to understand this, see 1 Corinthians chapter 13 for how “love” works.
4. Please avoid responding on my page with profanity or any inappropriate photos, gifs, or memes.
While there are certainly things worse than obscenity, you put me in a tough position when you use bad language in the comments of my posts. Someone may look at what you wrote and judge me for allowing it to stay there. Or I can risk making you made and delete it. It’s an unfair position to put a pastor in.
So just try to use your manners, as I hope you would on anyone else’s page as well. Profanity is like belching out loud in public. Yes, you have the right to do it, but you’ll keep it to yourself if you respect those around you.
In return for all these considerations, I promise never to come on your page and scold you for bad language. I will also avoid correcting your theology, and will not ridicule you next time you say some malarkey about karma or “putting out good vibes into the universe”.
A dumb as those things are to say, especially for people who say they’re Christians, I’ll bite my tongue.
Pastors have a tough job trying to love everyone while remaining faithful to very specific doctrines and convictions. Since I am an experienced and educated pastor, there’s a good chance I’ve already considered your arguments, though I’m open to discussing them again.
But I take my calling very, VERY seriously, especially when there’s a chance an argument might affect those who’ve not yet come to Christ. So please help us stay friends if you’re my friend on social media.
And for heaven’s sake, please stop belching in public when I’m around. It’s just gross.
