In live theatre, there’s a Zen-like calm you experience backstage much like the calm before a storm. Just a few feet away people are busy acting under bright spotlights. But you’re hidden away in dark solitude, waiting.
Anticipation of going onstage is building, and yet I feel peaceful. I suppose that’s because the stage is a place I really love. I’m like a child going out to play, and my playground just happens to be in front of hundreds of people.
The backstage area isn’t completely dark, though. They usually cover safety lights with dark blue gels that give everything a ghostly appearance. There’s just enough light to move around and not get hurt, yet not enough to bleed onto the stage and attract attention.
When you’re onstage in live theatre, you have to trust what’s happening backstage. The person saying the next line is hopefully waiting in the wings to enter. The stagehands are ready to roll the next set piece on as soon as the lights go out. Everything onstage depends on what’s being prepared backstage.
But when it’s real life and you can’t see what God’s doing backstage, it’s quite a test of faith…
…because at times, you feel stuck in a story you don’t like. It often looks like no one’s operating the backdrop and the scenery’s never going to change.
I’ve certainly never had it as bad as Job, but I can relate to the way he searched for God in his trials:
“Look, I go forward, but He is not there,
And backward, but I cannot perceive Him;
When He works on the left hand, I cannot behold Him;
When He turns to the right hand, I cannot see Him” – Job 23:8-9
Hard times alone are not the most perplexing thing we face. More often for me, it’s that we can’t tell where our story is headed. The plot changes in our lives can seem so random. We worry there’s no purpose in them.
If we could only get a glimpse of the script God’s written for us, we’d feel more confident. If we saw His stage crew getting the furniture in place for the next scene, we’d be OK living out the one we’re currently in.
But instead, I look for how He’s working and see nothing. That’s because when I’m onstage, everything in the wings is hidden from view. So my eyes and feelings lie and tell me I’m abandoned and stuck in this scene.
Maybe God realized I wasn’t worth His trouble? Maybe I fell too short of His plans for me? Either way, my story feels out of control and God’s nowhere to be found.
And yet, there’s a wonderful word to start off the next verse from Job: “but…”
“But He knows the way that I take. When He has
tested me, I shall come forth as gold”
– Job 23:10
I guess it’s not important that I know where God is. What matters is He knows where I am and “the way that I take”. As the actor onstage, it’s not my job to understand His workings backstage. In fact, even if He bothered to tell me, I’m not sure I’d comprehend it all. His ways are far beyond me.
So just as the stage manager does her job in silence, God works quietly to help me behind the scenes. He expects me to do my job, which is to follow the script He’s written for me. That is, to act like Jesus in my life as much as possible. He wrote down my lines in His Word for me to memorize, so that I’ll know how to react in any situation.
On those occasions when I forget my mark and stray, His Spirit prompts me from the wings with cues of what to do next. Somehow, He manages to get me back on track, regardless of how lost I get from the script.
“When He has tested me…”
Remember this above all else: this is indeed a test. It’s a test to see if we’ll trust Him while He’s working backstage. To build our trust in His faithfulness when we can’t see His face.
His goal in the testing is my transformation …”I shall come forth as gold”. In an epic story, the hero is changed because of the journey he’s on. Likewise, by going through our tests we too become something better than we were before. But God doesn’t indulge our curiosity by telling us every single move He’s making. If He did, we’d never grow to trust Him. Our faith would remain weak and infantile.
But through the test, our faith grows stronger like gold. And we grow purer because we’ve been through the fire of trials. All the dross has been melted away as God turns up the heat. And our new strength prepares us to act out the new adventures He has in store.
I trust that new adventure is coming any minute now. I believe my Father is working backstage at this moment, preparing to move the story along with an exciting plot twist.
The next scene is almost ready. Soon the curtain will come back up, and we’ll see what He’s prepared for us in the blue lights backstage.
Ready? Lights up!
